Choices are the hinges of destiny.

I’ve posted the very same thing yesterday and I am saying it again, choices are the hinges of destiny, and we make our destiny for we are the one who makes choices for ourselves. Life has always been a roller coaster ride, and it will always be. For years of existence I have learned that life will never be always rainbows and butterflies. Life is not a fairy tale. Life is about choices.

Today I am supposed to make more important things. I need to finish a 30-page research for my father, and the deadline is 2 days from now, but I cannot concentrate, I cannot seem to get my neurons work in proper coordination. I need to ventilate and release this feeling that has been unstoppably haunting me, before I can function normally. I need someone to talk to and just be there to listen, but I guess there is no one around. Today I have learned to appreciate one important role of a nurse, and that is to listen. I am a patient today and my nurse is nowhere to be found.*sigh* I guess the only thing who is available to listen to me now is my very reliable HP, no harsh words, no off-putting response, just enthralling every single word that I am typing.

People assume they know me, but the truth is they do not have the slightest idea at all. I’ve always been affable and accommodating to people around me. I have been so vocal about my feelings but there is more than what I have veiled than things that I have shown. Perhaps I am just too indolent to explain things or I am just scared to hear what I really needed to hear. Every time I am faced with dilemmas and predicaments and I need to elucidate things, I just stop and say to myself “whatever, come what may”. If I explain things there would be a response, and sometimes the response would mirror the truth, and the truth can sometimes hurt me, and I’m scared of getting hurt. And so in the end, I’ll just stop and let others think what they want, I won’t explain my side. What I do not know won’t hurt me. And what they don’t know won’t hurt them as well.

Recently, comments and conclusions about the choices I have finally decided to take have been flooding my horizon, blocking the truth, and creating turmoil in my brain. If you think I solely base my decisions on someone, I guess you need to look back and ask yourself if you really know me. They say that at the peak of our emotions we should halt our mouth and let our mind rest first before we make our decision, because we tend to be irrational when our emotion is at its highest. I believe that as well. In the past, I make decisions based on what I want and not on what I need. I used to be impulsive, I admit that but I have learned great deals in life. From the wrong choices I’ve made before, I have realized tons of things. Before I make big decisions in life, I have made it a habit to pray and ask my parents and I am glad I have learned to do that. People may judge me wrongly for the choices that I have made, even though other people have done the same thing. It’s as if I cannot do it because my reasons are not valid. Do you think you know the truth? Do you think you know everything? I don’t think so. And I don't think I owe you all some explanation. :)

Life is about choices, and I am not saying the choice I have made is correct and would benefit or be helpful to the people around me, but this is my choice, and I am not expecting everyone to understand me nor the rationale behind my choice. Life is like the board exam, you are given choices A, B, C, D and sometimes you are faced with options that you don’t want to choose because they seem to be wrong, but you need to choose. If you have decided not to answer the question, then that is still a choice you have made. You have chosen to fail the exam by leaving a blank rather than taking the risk and shade the best answer. There is no bonus item in life or in the board exam. You have to make a choice. And just yesterday I have made a decision. A decision that indeed hurt me, a decision that would hinge my destiny, a decision that would hurt other people, a decision that would definitely disappoint many, a decision I have made not because I want it but I deemed it necessary.

Not all decisions are final; there can always be reconsideration. And being who I am, I never close my mind to opportunities, suggestions and making new choices that could affect the previous choice. I am just an individual bound to make choices. What I’m trying to say here is that as I make choices, I know not all people will understand, they will for sure jump into conclusions and say downbeat things. Somehow I am still thankful, that the most important persons in my life have respected and happy about my decision. I may not be completely happy with the choice that I have made but I guess this is it. There is no easy choice, but we have to definitely make one.